Tuesday, January 12, 2010

A father's pride knows no bounds


 Leigh and Heather Xmas 2008

Here we are only a month into 2010, and all Hell is breaking loose in the vacuous darkness of my twisted - some would say damaged - brain.

Leigh has accepted Aaron's proposal of marriage, and try as I might, it seems as though I - and this will be a surprise to absolutely no one that knows me - have an opinion on just about everything that has to do with the forthcoming nuptials.

It is no secret that I am inclined towards a conservative point of view, so it had surprised the heck out of me that I have chosen to project on to anyone that will care to listen - and less and less of these people exist each passing day - a rather un-conservative point of view on how my number #1 should manage her big day.

I have railed on about the stupidity of purchasing a traditional wedding dress. This in favor of going on a spree in Holt's, where she could buy a magnificent gown that she could wear at future 'formal' occasions; I am hopeful that she will not tread the path so well worn with respect to the way the wedding party dresses. The prospect of seeing her sister and the other 'attendants' standing all in a row dressed in Sea Foam Green makes me shudder.

I am - almost - baffled as to why I even give a hoot. It is Leigh's day after all, and what business is it of mine whether or not she wears one thing or another. I know that she will make a beautiful bride no matter what she wears.

Maybe it's fear. Maybe it's my way of compensating - for I know that I will be a tearful mess when the time comes.

The tears will primarily be of pride. And love. And - I'm embarrassed to say - of loss. Silly of me I know, but there you have it. Anyone reading this who has any insight into my make up will know that I am nothing, if not overwhelmingly sentimental.

And the tears will not just be about Leigh. My thoughts will be for Heather as well.

I will inevitably project my sense of loss on her also. Heather - my brain will insist - will be losing part of her sister. And, it's only a matter of time before some lucky - and foresightful - man will be asking for her hand as well. Christ, it seems like only yesterday that I was pretending to sleep when they would wake up in the middle of the night to be changed!

So there you have it ...  I am a man on the wrong side of the half way mark - scared to death.

Despite having cheated death once and paralysis twice; and despite the fact that intellectually I KNOW that life for me - at this precise moment -  should be wonderful - and all I seem to do is obsess about trivialities.

If I come out of this with my marriage intact it will not be because of me. Rather because I was so incredibly lucky that Marg said yes to me so many years ago (when I scared the shit out of my mother and father over the same issue). Marg and I were only 21. Liegh at least had the good sense to wait until she was 27. She would certainly have caused my heart to fail were she to be as foolish as her parents were back then.

I've vented enough for this entry. I will do my part. And I'll do it with as much grace as I can muster. And I'll do it medicated - no doubt. And, finally I hope I will do it in a fashion that will not cause either of my fantastic, beautiful children one moment of embarrassment.

Time for me to buy stock in Kimberly-Clark.

Au revoire!


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